I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
