from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
