I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
