i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
