so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
