Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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