forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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