girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
