On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
