They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
