these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
