i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ttyl tear gas
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
