I'm jealous of your bromance
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
