just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
