I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
