Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
