I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
