It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just had sex bonerless
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
