I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Send help, water and tortillas.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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