if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just gargled with NyQuil
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
