I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
