she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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