Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
