Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
