I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
