Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
