hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
