just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
