take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
