and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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