Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
