stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
