When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
