Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
