Plan B is the new Plan A
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
