he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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