Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How does it feel to date your dad?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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