hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
