My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
