i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
