Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
