im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
