I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
