It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
