Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
