mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
