I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
