u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
