24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
