I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
